


I'm free, I think?

by 1010hoshiiii



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Multi, but i made it too long for a one shot, so imma separate it by time periods, this was gonna be a oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-04-30 15:44:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5169338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1010hoshiiii/pseuds/1010hoshiiii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>being free is the best feeling but something keeps pulling soonyoung back. soonyoung and jihoon recently broke up and soonyoung is having the time of his life but tears still pool in his eyes</p><p>[ sequel posted!! ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the hours that lead to the break up

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a one shot but it became too long so im gonna add as i write

days passed and soonyoung couldnt understand why jihoon was in such a bad mood. did he forget jihoons birthday again? soonyoung was pretty sure that jihoons birthday wasnt november. was it their anniversary? soonyoung swore their anniversary was in august. was he having a producing block? is producing block even a thing? soonyoungs head hurt thinking about it. but seriously, jihoon didnt want to talk to him for a week and didnt leave his cave or reply his texts. even if he did reply it took half an hour and all he got was "k". soonyoung knocked on the door to jihoons producing room again.  
"yahh... hoonie come out pleaseee! come on hoonie, i know youre in there! yah lee jihoon you better open up before i kick the door down!" soonyoing tried his best to sound threatening.

jihoon opened up reluctantly, rolling his eyes at the sight of his boyfriend with a snapback (that belonged to him) pulled back. soonyoung immediately plopped down next to him, looking up at the producer with sparkling puppy eyes.

"hoonie ah lets go out for lunch... youve been living on cup noodles and americanos for a week. you need proper food." soonyoung pulled on the sleeve of jihoons sweater.

jihoon ignored soonyoungs disturbance and focused on the song he was producing. minutes passed and jihoon gave in to soonyoungs pleading.

the pair walked in silence to the shop that was around the corner. the walk was silent. the silence was killing soonyoung. jihoon ate his meal quickly and quietly. soonyoung couldnt come up with a topic to talk about. he knew how much jihoon hated small talk. jihoon paid for their meals before soonyoung could take out his card. the pair thanked the ahjumma for the food and walked back to the their shared studio. the walk back felt longer than it should. it didnt feel right. soonyoung walked towards the door to let jihoon in but the younger merely stood there making soonyoung look like an idiot. 

"soonie hyung... i- i have something to tell you..." jihoon spoke softly. soonyoung tilted his head in confusion.

"we- we've been together for... 3 years and i feel that.... its not right. we- we should break up..." jihoon spoke slowly so soonyoung could take in the information.

"but why?" soonyoung croaked out. his answer? silence. 

soonyoung knew that this was his cue to cry like what he saw in movies but why did it feel different. he felt like a weight had been lifted from him. jihoon looked at the ground. there were no tears shed so jihoon was glad. he didnt want them to end in pain. jihoon quickly entered the building while soonyoung sat on the steps. a smile grew onto his face. it didnt feel right to smile after being dumped by his world but somehow he felt glad.


	2. the next 3 days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it has been 3 days since the break up and soonyoung is having the time of his life but his thoughts always wander back to jihoon

soonyoung got up and jumped from the fourth step out of excitement, almost falling and landing flat on his face. soonyoung took his phone out, looking through his contact list. "minnie ah annyeong! meet up at the cafe i have good news!" soonyoung put the phome down before seokmin could answer. the kid would come anyway. soonyoung was ecstatic. he was free from the relationship that felt like he was in prison.

"MINNIE AH IM FREE!!!" soonyoung shouted, hands flying. seokmin however, was still confused. "free?" seokmin cocked his head to the side. "im sexy, free and single," soonyoung clicked his tongue, shooting guns and winked at seokmin for his lame suju reference. seokmin rolled his eyes and laughed. seokmins heart was racing behind his calm smile. seokmin had a chance. a chance at love. 

soonyoung felt like he deserved a night out with his main boy but sadly seokmin is still underaged so soonyoung had to look for other possible candidates to share his joy with.

it was slightly before nine when junhui and wonwoo showed up and the three decide to go for some karaoke-ing. and what is karaoke without beer?  
basically the four get really wasted and sing like no tomorrow. 

soonyoung starts first with beautiful solo by nu'est, singing/screaming the song out. "I'M A BEAUTIFUL SOLO TODAY HEY GO AWAY!" soonyoung shouts into his mic. the other three cheering loudly. wonwoo wasnt the type to drink and karaoke but he had to do it for his bro and junhui was just there for the ride. the mics get passed around and junhui sings some suju m songs and wonwoo does ballad despite being a rapper. he was too drunk to actually rap properly anyway.

a few hours into karaoke marathon with drunk 20 year olds, wonwoos stomach begins rumbling and karaoke food was too expensive and so the three thank the manager and walk to the nearest mcdonalds. none of them could be trusted with driving after heavy drinking.

the three eat quietly, slowly sobering up. one of them has to be sober enough to drive back. junhui speaks first, "so, soonyoung ah why the last minute partying?" the other two never really asked why, they just simply agreed. 

soonyoung perks up, smiling widely, "oh yeah! i'm single again! jihoon dumped me... well, he was holding me back a little anyway... at least he made the decision and as long as hes happy im happy!" soonyoung takes another bite of his burger. part of his heart missed jihoon but the rest went with the flow. the two elder ones nod and congratulated him. cheering with their cups of coke. soonyoung never felt such feeling of freedom. he was glad to be free from his prison like relationship with jihoon.

 

soonyoung couldnt remember much of what happened the rest of the night but when he woke up, wonwoo was on the sofa and junhui was on the floor, both asleep. a beer pong table was set up but never cleared and a pillow fort around junhui. soonyoung checked his phone calender which was full of anniversary dates. shaking his head, soonyoung deletes every one of them. soonyoung computer was on and the blonde checked the browsing history. wonwoo bought bucket hats and beanies while they were drunk. nice. soonyoung checks his credit card, thank god wonwoo didnt spend too much. it was 11 am and soonyoung decides to wake the other two up. wonwoo crankily gets up and junhui knocks down his pillow fort and all the pillows fall on his face. 

the three sit at the dining table. all three having a major hangover. soonyoungs phone rings. the blonde happily picks up thinking it would be jihoon but instead was mingyu and minghao fighting over the phone asking if their boyfriends were there. soonyoung puts the phone on loud speaker allowing the other two to listen along. soonyoung awkward fifth wheeled the conversation. and fifth wheeling at 12 in the afternoon hungover was not a good idea. soonyoung was lost. he didnt really know what to do anymore now that he didnt have someone to take care of. he couldnt bring himself to their studio because having a broken pair in the same room surrounded in silence can only end in either awkward silence or another arguement. mingyu and minghao showed up along with seokmin at soonyoungs apartment which was still, a wreck from the previous night. the younger three help clean up the house while the elder three washed up.

soonyoung sat alone in his room. he needed time to think. all his thoughts led back to jihoon. soonyoung threw the coupled heart pillow he shared with jihoon. his half of the heart laid on the floor. jihoons half probably in the studio. soonyoung couldnt be bothered to pick it up. the blonde brushed his short hair and put a head band on, quickly leaving before his feelings got the better of him.

 

and so the days that continued after his break up consisted of partying or gaming til the sun rises. soonyoung was feeling productive and found himself in his studio. and thus he had created a full choreography.

his head ached. partially due to the alcohol he had been drinking and also not sleeping at all and dancing the night away. soonyoung passed out at around six in the morning. it was 12 when he woke up. a blanket covering him and half a hearts pillow tucked under his head. 

soonyoung sleazily opened the door to jihoons part of the studio. the younger boys head rested on his hand a file displayed on the screen. soonyoung never dared to touch jihoons stuff when he was awake and it was rare to find the younger asleep. soonyoung took this chance and opened the folder. soonyoung put the headphones on and clicked on the track named soonyoung. it was a cover of nu'ests good bye bye. the singing ended and jihoons voice was speaking. 

"hey soonyoung hyung i know you'll find this track sooner or later i just want you to know that im fine and you dont have to worry about me. i know how you get worried over the smallest things. remember to eat well and have sufficient sleep. i heard from wonwoo hyung about your partying... yeah. thats all i got for now. see you around." and the recording stops. jihoons voice was low and a little raspy.

soonyoung backs away from the studio and return the pillow and blanket back to its rightful owner. the blonde packed his stuff and left without a trace. he didnt want to wake the other up and most of all didnt want to fall back into jihoon. even if he did still have feelings for jihoon, jihoon was the one that dumped him.


	3. the end of the first week and the end of his hopes and dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next 4 days after his breakup went by quietly. but the silence killed and made him think more.

soonyoung clicks send and almost immediately seokmin replies. the elder sent a video of his dance but it seems the younger has other plans. "come to my dorm for awhile i wanna tell you something" soonyoung read the message a little confused as to why seokmin wants to ask something in such privacy. either way, the blonde shows up at seokmins doorstep in less than twenty minutes.

seokmin smiles. his smiles when he greets soonyoung could light up the neighbourhood in the dark but this time around his smile was more of awkward. there was something in his head that he needed to tell someone about. it was clearly evident.

"hyung... i know i have no right to ask you and you'll just think im taking advantage of your current hardship but... i like you hyung. i always did. but i couldnt speak up because you and jihoon hyung were more meant for each other than you and me." seokmin spoke, his head facing down. he couldnt bring himself to look soonyoung straight into the eyes. soonyoung ruffled seokmins hair. 

"its ok kiddo... me and jihoon are long over but let me rest for awhile alright." soonyoung smiled. a soft pitiful smile. soonyoungs head ached even more. he knew seokmin had a thing for him and hes a nice guy but soonyoung wasnt really stable to start a new relationship 4 days since he got dumped. his heart was still aching and maybe meeting someone new would get his mind off but it happened way too quickly for soonyoung. 

 

4 days lead to 5 and soonyoung lost his way in life. he continued dancing but the constant urge to see and hear jihoon crushed him. everytime jihoon entered the studio, the younger hid under his beanie and walked quickly to his office. occasional glances were passed when jihoon went to and fro his office to the convenience store. at times, soonyoung could see the dark eye circles under the boys eyes. he hasnt been sleeping well. sometimes hed come out with red swollen eyes but the soundproof walls hid the sounds of his crying well.

both of them werent doing well but soonyoung didnt have a say in what to do. he wanted to confront him like a hyung should do because he knew well that two was better than one. but at times he felt that being alone was best. the two needed some time alone.

there were pros and cons in the break up.

 

pro : he can sleep in

con : he no longer wakes up to fresh toast and coffee and the soft humming of the short pink haired boy frying eggs.

 

pro : he can play the games he always wanted to play

con : he has no one to play it with

 

pro : he doesnt have to check his phone every minute for a new message

con : its lonely having no one to talk to

 

its the 7th day. 7 days without good morning~ messages or updates on new songs. 7 not so quiet and lonely days. it was 4 am and soonyoung was still up gaming. at least it was better than ending up wasted in the club. it hasnt been long since they broke up but it felt well. it didnt end as bad as what soonyoung saw on the tv but it did take a toll on him and from what soonyoung sees, it took a toll on jihoon.seokmin has been rather quiet in the three days after his confession and soonyoung didnt want to bother the four love birds.

soonyoung yawned and was going to bed when he received a notification. lighting up his phone screen, the wallpaper of him and jihoon. he swore he changed it. he mustve put it back while he was wasted. soonyoung clicked on the notification and in big bold letters in pink and hearts was "22 NOVEMBER HOONIES BDAY <333333"

soonyoung wanted to throw his phone. he forgot his other halfs birthday. soonyoung slapped himself twice for forgetting two things. its jihoons birthday and jihoon is an ex.

soonyoung got up to make a coffee. he didnt need to sleep anyway. he knew for sure that in the past week he felt more free, more happy. but in the past week he felt more lonely. singing beautiful solo softly while waiting for the coffee to cool the last verse hits him hard. he never realised it when he sung it at the karaoke.

"One day, two days, one week passes But tears fall even when I’m smiling Oh no! Wait, this isn’t right Don’t go away!"

that was what he was currently feeling. even though he was smiling, laughing having the time of his life. tears were still falling, even while he smiled. it wasnt right. he was supposed to be happy. well, he was happy. but why were the tears still falling. he couldnt answer it himself. 

 

soonyoung ran to the studio. he still needs jihoon. shoving the door to jihoons office open. he was greeted by a semi familliar face and a face he was too familiar with. jihoon wasnt alone. taking up the space soonyoung used to have, seungcheol sat there. jihoon on his lap. lips to lips.

 

soonyoung couldnt handle the scene. he slammed the door as hard as he could and left. the cold wind bit at his skin. the tears billowwing down his face. soonyoung sat by the side of the road. 

 

he didnt care about the cold.

he didnt care that seungcheol has taken his place. 

he didnt care that jihoon didnt need him.

he didnt care that he needed jihoon.

 

but he did care about how much he had lied to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayyy i finished it!! i didnt mean for the ending to end so angstily but it happened whoops :p also i wrote this listening to beautiful solo by nu'est and basically all of nu'ests albums so yea support seventeens hyungs nu'est and support pledis also dont forget to support their unnies afterschool!~~


	4. yobeoseyo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 years passed and jihoon cant move on. 
> 
> yayyyyy i finally wrote it!! i was having a writers block but i managed to write this. i hope this reached your expectations. and thank you for waiting for the sequel patiently. also happy belated birthday jihoon!! (≧◡≦)♡

"yobeoseyo... soonyoung ah. you wanna meet up. i mean we havent seen each other in the past three years. ah fuck. i know this sounds bullshitty to you. but, you wanna meet up. if you dont want to its okay. but if you do, then meet me at the burger joint around the corner of our studio at 7. bye." jihoon ends the voicemail.

 

his heart wished for soonyoung to come. his head told him soonyoung wasnt coming. what idiot would want to meet his ex after three years. jihoon slaps himself. a red mark remained on his left cheek. jihoon was being an idiot again. jihoon had done many stupid things in his life and cheating on soonyoung was the dumbest. the look on soonyoungs face that night haunted jihoon. the red puffy eyes with tears streaming down his face. his eyes shining with sorrow and anger.

 

jihoon knew how soonyoung still cared for him after the breakup.  
jihoon knew he shouldnt have given soonyoung hope through the smallest gestures.  
jihoon knew he shouldnt have destroyed that hope even if it was fake.

 

jihoon waited at the burger joint. ten minutes passed the meeting time. jihoon continued to wait despite the voice in his head reminding him that soonyoung wasnt coming. minutes turned into an hour. jihoon was beginning to give up but his heart told him to continue waiting. jihoon chewed on a fry waiting for the blonde to arrive.

 

it wasnt long until a young woman woke the orange haired boy up. "um, sir. the shop is closing. i have to ask you to leave." the woman looked concerned for jihoon. who wouldnt be concerned to see a man in his early mid 20s with red puffy eyes waiting for the man whose heart he had broken.

 

time should have healed the guilt from breaking soonyoung. time didnt do shit for jihoon.

with every day that passed, the guilt grew bigger.  
with every month that passed, the guilt began eating jihoon.  
with every year that passed, the guilt haunted jihoon to the point the guilt became a monster on its own.

a week passed since the burger incident. soonyoung still hasnt contacted him. jihoon being an idiot once again calls soonyoung.

 

"yobeoseyo. soonyoung ah... okay you didnt meet me that time. i mean. its okay. but ive been thinking... how are you? how have you been? i mean im pretty sure youre doing well. i heard you reached national level in a dance competition. im proud of you soonyoung. i remember, in our late teens, the two of us staying up to sing and dance. when it was the two of us against the world. it sure was a good time." jihoon laughs to himself.

why would he think of the past. when he was happier. the tears were beginning to fall. but jihoon ignored it and tried to continue talking. but failing. obviously. jihoon slammed his fist into the table. crying over the past was a dumb idea. the images of him and soonyoung sprawled across the floor of the studio. fingers laced with one another. the two boys panting after accomplishing the choreo. back when they were free. back when jihoon didnt ruin everything.

 

 

"yobeoseyo. soonyoung ah i know ive been calling you everyday and it probably pisses you off but i cant help it. just let me see you one last time. id beg on my knees just to see you again. i know i always cared about myself than you in the past. it was always me me me but ive changed. really. so please... ugh whatever. you wouldnt care for someone pathetic like me anymore. ive hurt you too much. all these calls were pointless. i hope youre doing well. i heard from wonwoo that you have someone in your life now. i hope you guys last long. and that he treats you better than i did. bye." sending voicemails to soonyoung became routine.he needed to clear his mind. even if there wasnt anyone listening.

 

jihoons apartment was a mess. he and seungcheol didnt last long. jihoon was too caught up thinking about soonyoung that seungcheol got fed up and left. at least jihoon could understand how soonyoung felt. well, partially at least. soonyoung had it worse. and so jihoon spent a year single. cleaning up after the messes that he caused. even though his calls with soonyoung were in vain. jihoon was still trying to clear it up with the elder.

 

an entire year of unanswered calls had passed. jihoon was a wreck. his music was doing well but jihoon was dying inside. soonyoung was still haunting him. he probably needed a counsellor but why would a counsellor help the bad guy. the whole one sided calls were driving jihoon insane. he was going crazy being unable to hear the dancers soothing voice and the elders smile that brought colour into his life. he needed soonyoung to answer.

"you never know how much you love someone unless you let them go" jihoon learnt it the hard way. now that soonyoungs gone, jihoon was lost. he couldnt find a way in life. staying up 24 hours, living on instant noodles and coffee, making music became his life for 2 years. jihoon had to give up. he had to give up on trying to contact the one he lost.

 

 

"yobeoseyo. yah. soonyoung ah please. i really beg of you. please. listen to me. just once. please. im sorry. im sorry for everything ive done. im sorry for breaking your heart. im sorry for not loving you enough. im sorry for being selfish. im sorry. im so, so sorry. im sorry soonyoung. im the one at fault. i did such horrible things to you. please. soonyoung ah. please. you dont have to forgive me. but please listen to my apology. i know ive been calling for an entire year. i know ive been a disturbance in your life. but please just hear me out. im really sorry. please. soonyoung. please..."

jihoon was bawling. all the emotions that he stuffed in the three years of hell. jihoon wasnt one to cry over small things but soonyoung was the biggest thing that mattered to him. even if soonyoung didnt care about him anymore.

jihoon proceeded to cry endlessly. with no shoulder to cry on. no one to hold him and tell him its alright. why he had no one with him anymore? jihoon was the reason why. the crying continued for 20 minutes. a soft, familiar voice spoke up. 

"jihoonie... i forgive you." a beep that lasted a life time followed after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yobeoseyo = hello  
> hello = adele  
> yes i got inspiration from adele. cos this song was really heart hitting and would fit with the story. originally i was supposed to write boonon with hello as a prompt but i decided it would fit soonhoon more.


End file.
